*Disclaimer: I most definitely consider myself an optimist. At times, in fact, I can perhaps be too optimistic. I am, however, about to vomit my pungent feelings upon the pretty white pages of the internet.
As a young adult, I worked relentlessly- I exhausted myself working three jobs and going to college full time in order to pursue a career in art. I wish I could, in words, convey the struggles of the heart, the stress and deprivation, the torment of wanting to give up and yet the need to continue the pursuit of my passion. I cant tell you how many times I heard that there was no money to be made in art but, I pursued it because it was my passion. Make it or break it was my creed. I ate enough "Ramen" and peanut butter sandwiches to last me a lifetime but I did make it and I made it on my own.
Now at 39 years old, making roughly $85,000 a year, I find myself unable to make it from paycheck to paycheck? Unless I am completely fooling myself, $85,000 is a respectable income. I have spent the last two months trying to trim the fat. I have tracked my spending and gotten rid of anything that I could possibly do without. I have even turned off the TV and the house phone. My car and my rent are my two big payments and I have no credit card debts. So where have I gone wrong? Is it back to Ramen and peanut butter sandwiches?
The problem in two words: Child Support. Let me first say that I love my children dearly but, child support has nothing to do with my love for them nor my desire to provide for them. In all actuality it has everything to do with my inability to provide for them. I have my children 50% of the time. I even take them on days and nights that are not mine. In fact, I welcome my children's step-sister and brother from another relationship to come over when ever they like. With 50% custody I still have so little money after taxes, bills and child support that I can not even provide for my children when they are with me. It absolutely tares me up inside that I can not buy my children the winter clothes that they need, that I can not keep them in the sports they were playing and that I can't even afford to give them a little money here or there so they can go to the movies with their friends. According to the courts, child support is for the good of the children, that it helps the children continue to live in the manner in which they are accustomed to. Heresy is what it is. Instead of one house hold not being able to provide there are now two. At $85,000 I am completely confident that I could support myself and my three children very comfortably, without anyones help, but $85,000 does not account for much when it is spread thin over three house holds. Where is the women's responsibility in raising their own children? According to Kimberly Folse and Hugo Valela-Alvarez who write in the Journal of Socio-Economics; Child support awards are so high that the children have become a profit center. I have my own example of this. When I met my youngest daughter's mother she was working two full time jobs in order to make ends meet. She hasn't worked two jobs since she met me and at that, she has a hard time keeping one job.
I have tried for several years to find logic in a system where there is no logic to be found. Why did I work so hard as a young adult to put myself through school with great sacrifice in order for the mother's of my children to reap the benefits by mere association with me. It is not as if they made sacrifices by having children with me. They didn't give up careers or an opportunity for education. If anything they benefited from an easier, better style of living for the period of time we were together. Now I have the misfortune of providing for them while trying to provide for my children.
What more can I do? Should I have to work a second job? If I do work overtime or a second job guess what happens. I will be taken back to court and my income will be reassesed. The more money I make the more my child support goes up. Not only that but, now I have shown the ability to earn and could be, potentially, held liable to maintain that income. Where is the incentive for a man to better his career. An increase in salary, a promotion with an increase in salary and working more hours so that I can put money into savings all become a source of income for the children's mother. By default and mere association with me they reap the benefits of my success. I will take it a step further and say that in this antiquated system that we are bound to there is no incentive for a woman to be more successful. If a woman increases her salary she decreases her child support.
If men could get pregnant do you think that there would be such a thing as child support? Sure there would. We would still have to support our children at the mother's house.
After all of this spewing of mental bile I should probably feel better but, I don't. I still get to anticipate a Christmas in two months that will be slim to none.
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